I’m facing a new path. One I never expected to have to face. To be honest, it’s a path that started a year and a half ago, but it is new again. It’s different this time.
I was laid off at the beginning of 2013 after several years with the same employer. I did not find work for 13 months and while I know that’s small change to some in the same boat I’m in, it is still hard. Early this year, thankfully, I was given the opportunity to work in a months-long temporary contract. I enjoyed it and started to let myself believe, ever so slightly, that there was the possibility it would become a permanent position. It did not, which meant I would be back on unemployment.
Circle around to yesterday. I received word from the state that I do not qualify for unemployment this time around – because I didn’t work enough in the last quarter. What? Do you not think that this would mean my need was even greater for not working much lately?? I certainly do. But it isn’t up to me, (insert a political rant that I decided wasn’t in anyone’s best interests to be subjected to). But I’m not bitter. Much.
So, today I escaped for a few hours. My oldest sister and her husband are visiting my mother over on the Oregon coast, so I drove out and my sister and I spent some time together, first having a light breakfast, then, later, walking along the crowded sidewalks of Cannon Beach, and lastly, standing on the beach letting the wind and the sun and the sound of the ocean work its magic.
My soul was soothed. I still don’t know what I will do tomorrow to put food on my table, kibble in my dogs’ food bowls, keep the lights on. Or, more scarily, keep a roof overhead.
I have a favorite quote, “I come to the sea to breathe.” by Mary Ann Radmacher. I have loved this quote since I first read it well over 15 years ago, because it resonated with me. I’ve always felt it, even though I might not have had this phrase to describe it. I had the pleasure of meeting Mary Ann several years ago and learning that her words are truly from her heart.
So, today I breathed in the sea. And I will carry on.